Last week the world lost a great young man to mental illness. He was someone I’ve known my entire life and I considered him family. I spent every Sunday with him and his family growing up because his dad is my dad’s best friend. During his funeral on Friday his sister gave his eulogy and it was so touching. It took a lot of courage to stand up in front of the hundreds of people in attendance and say what she did. Please take the time to read her words. If her speech can save just one life then his death would not be in vain. Please share this with anyone you know that may be suffering from depression or bi-polar disorder.
“PLEASE READ… My eulogy for my brother, Matthew Tiller:
To lose my brother, my one and only sibling, Matthew, at the very young age of 25, has left me with a hole in my heart that will never be filled.
Knowing that my brother was in so much pain, that he chose to take his own life is almost unbearable. I say almost because I know all too well what it feels like to be in that much pain. Having been suicidal since I was 13 years old, then diagnosed with ADD, anxiety and major depressive disorder, I’ve been in those painfully heavy shoes. It took 15 years, 7 doctors, different treatment methods, and a hospitalization before I met with a psychiatrist for the first time and was accurately diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder, which involves hypomania and major depression. After being diagnosed, I began reading books on Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2 disorders. I couldn’t believe how well the diagnosis matched my life. I had always felt like a loser, with character flaws, worthless, and knew that the negativity of my illness was bringing down everyone around me. I thought that my loved ones would be better off without me. It was because of those and other reasons that I considered suicide for years and I know that Matthew felt the same way. I had a “friend” who told me to “just be happy”! It’s just not that easy. We know that Matthew had Bipolar 1 disorder, manic depression. Most people don’t understand, and will never understand. I know that, but I want everyone to know that mental illness is real, it needs treated just like other serious medical conditions, and people need to communicate and be open-minded… You really see who cares when you are going through difficult times…
I tried…but more than just trying, I begged and pleaded with Matthew for him to get help! I wasn’t the only one… We knew he was in a lot of pain, but we couldn’t force him to get help. The small number of times he attempted to receive help, he was discouraged by minor setbacks. Shortly after I left the hospital, we had a deep conversation and he was angry at me for being suicidal. He told me that suicide wasn’t an option for him… I believed him, but we now know that it became an option and a final decision for him. I know that when you’re in that mindset, you don’t see things the way you should. You have tunnel vision and think that everyone will be better off without you. I’m now seeing the other side of the aftermath and the even more devastatingly horrible effects it has on those that knew him.
Looking back, I have the horrible realization that I quite possibly never asked my brother “How can I help”. Rather, I always told him I was there for him, that I loved him and told him he needed help… If you can all take something from Matthew’s loss, please be there for people in pain. When you see signs that they need help, don’t ignore them or worry about how they’ll react if you confront them about it. Show you care!! If you need help, don’t hold it in. Ask for help. Talk to family, friends, anyone… Feel free to contact me. The stereotypes about mental illness need to be broken down.
Matthew, I loved you so much and will always love you so much! I miss you more than you can imagine. I wish I had been there for you more, but I had a hard enough time dealing with my own issues that it was difficult for me to be there for you as much as I wish I had been. I hope that you are no longer in pain. In heaven with other loved ones. One day, I’ll see you on the other side. Rest in peace, my brother.” – Jaclyn Tiller Ehli
that is so brave of his sister to say some of the hard stuff in life and to lose someone your so close to i know is hard i lost my sister in Dec 2010 she had been struggling with mental illness for along time i was close to her i had that special bond i know Jaclyn felt with her brother i ve been struggling with my on BPD(borderline personality disorder) for while and my sister always understood just let her know she is not alone just because her brother is gone doesnt mean she has to continue on by herself like so many others feel like they have to
Thank you for sharing your story. The more we talk about it the more people we can help.I was so touched when Jaclyn gave her eulogy. I was so impressed and blown away that she was able to be so candid about her own life in such a hard time. I think everyone left the funeral with a new understanding of mental illness. We all miss Matthew so much but know there was a reason for his death even if we don’t know why yet. Jaclyn is going to make sure his story is told. I’m so proud of her.
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